A Year has Passed

Well with all the bad things said in the end... I Always understood why and where it came from.. I couldn't be that way in return... Even though I wanted to... My Heart couldn't willingly allowe me to lash out full force..

alot of time has passed.. and I realize evn more, what I said was true.. It never was obsession.. We grew to be fast friends.. connected on alot of levels with an ease thats uncommon.. I admitted readily I was falling in Love.. and have never denied that.. and I have never claimed to be handsome, rich, or even a great guy.. Im just me.. as far from perfect as any other person..

I never pretended with Kate.. I was always very open..and Always Truthful as to how I felt and how she and who she was to me.. She touched some very tender deep parts of my heart and never tried to..some I didnt know existed.. I could just be open about how I cared for her, The Love she brought to life inside me.. a love deeper and more real than any thing I have ever felt.. a Respect for Her on so many Levels, and Adoration of her as a Mum.. and seeing in someone who has had it hard over a lifetime as I had.. Always seeing Beauty in her as Amazing as the Sky at sunset.

some have said move on.. get over it.. blah blah blah..I get it.. Im not harping nor any of that..I still am moving slowly forward..
I just want to share a few things about it all..

I still now, think of her daily, as well as Sav... being without them in my life and watching her walk away again triggered that deep depression. The one given birth to as a child losing my father.. I always lose those I Love issue.. and this really hurt me in so many ways.. but I do understand.. I really do.. it is not blame I am speaking of.. it is losing someone I never hoped to go a day without the rest of my life. why ya may ask.. i know what its like to be unappreciated, taken for granted, seen the passion die in friends relationships..
So I could be to her, the way I did without trying, the way that was natural.. to Appreciate, to be inspired by Her, to see the her subtle Greatness in the smallest of things.. to Value Her as a Person and as someone I Love..

the Truth is this... Im not perfect.. never claimed to be.. Im just a plain guy, a father who loves his kids, and works hard.. nothing special at all honestly.. But the One thing I do have that I couldnt change if I wanted to.. and Honestly I dont want to change it... is the fact that When I tell someone I Love You.. I will Always Love You, the same ways I Always have.. years can pass, time cant stop.. it doesnt matter.. Once someone is in my heart they will forever have a home there..

I never loved the little bulldyke.. Ive been In Love before though.. but never has anyone touched me so deeply

it would have been nice, to be in a loving and normal relationship with an adult.. to trust again in someones heart. to hold hands and be proud of the Beautfiul woman I walked side by side with... to be Happy

so in the end alot of mud was slung, alot of words cut deep... and went without being vollied back... I can destroy the best of people, usually at whim and for fun.. just use what I know to hit them where there egos live...
But I will Never do that to anyone I Love... I almost did... but I, really could not.. Because after holding her in my arms.. Looking finally into her Beautiful eyes in person.. I knew I was right all along.. She was the One, She broke the mold.

And I am Very Thankful she let me meet her, and she saw My love was real... for making me feel like a part of her life in the real world.. for letting me spoil her with things she said she never would allowe...

so.. I stay away and will as to not burden her.. nor seem obsessed...(lol).. but yes, without a doubt... I Love Kate and Sav.. as much today as I always have... and simply put, That will Never Change..

Always Missing those dearest
Micheal James Christy