Taking a step back... because I need to... To refrain from overstepping my role, and myself.. keepin my shit real, so in honesty, I have to squash my crush, to keep a close friendship...
Quality is hard to find..Hence the attraction... I so silly like that...lmfao...tis true tis true..facepalms... then grins... You'll have that sometimes though I reckon.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Sometimes
Friday, May 18, 2012
This weekend
Andi graduates... then that is done. The cunning runt is trying to date.. and from what I hear... to no avail. I told her I have no bad feelings over it. And tbh I don't.. I'm wishing her the best. Things are changing, and I am excited as fuck!! 8)
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Question
How do you contend with a strong heart, that is too sensitive?
Fair question?
Don't dwell, don't assume, give of the heart readily and without intent nor hopes of retribution. Just live in the moments you have. Don't hold on, don't want. Just let it all go. Live in the now, appreciate what is there before you when it is before you. Treat those moments like they will never happen again and live your way. And maybe if this is manageable.. the ache that's always there in one form or another.. will not be an ache any longer. But be what makes the difference in your character and breaks the stereo type.. a new appreciation, a new way to see, and hopefully a new way to feel what is special and not be concerned with outcomes.
Meh, or be spiteful...either way works..one is just way more difficult.. lol..
Things I work on daily are in the first paragraph
Zen....
Is the calm, the appreciation, the enjoyment of the little things, and living in the moment. That past is passed, the future is never here, all we have is the now.
Yep... epiphonies are positive barin farts for me...lmao
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I have a craving
A candle lit bubble bath, giving someone a back and body massage. Something romantic... tender moments.. I miss em.
As well as claw marks down by back, bite marks on my shoulders.. argh...its hump day... ba ha ha...but for me... ARRRRGHHHHHH!!
Here i sit again
Dawn, in a parking lot prior to work...eating my breakfast.. feeling the urge to expound thoughts in type.
The song snuff by slipknot sums up a lot in my life. Check out the song, and the lyrics folks.
I can say this. Ino longer search, for that deep tender connection I once had. It to me, was magic. Most likely doomed from the beginning because I led with my heart. Hard for me not to in times like those. There was pure joy.. maybe shared..I remember so many things.. still bring me to a warm place in my head and heart.
We are all flawed people. life never is exactly how we dream and wish it to be. But sometimes, it ok.. to just realize not all things are negative.
My zen, is not a beach, nor a person. My zen is a combination of so many variables. One being just sincere love.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Best thing in this world
I've seen so far... is the ocean from the coast of Australia...it really opened a part of me.. Had the time of my life.. And tbh, I would enjoy sitting at Norahead , and just write.. I need to find that zen I felt. That peacefullness. It is still in me.. That inspiration. And I owe a lot to who I went all that way to meet. Shit got sideways yeppers.. But Respect will Always there regardless....
Sometimes
I now see the ways of my nature.. I have changed. I no longer chase things, nor try for things that obviously want fuck all to do with me. That would have bugged me yrs ago.. now its meh.. to each their own.
The reason I am reminded not to date is because I am nice, in general ways, and old school. This output can paint a picture of some deep interest. When to me, its just being chivalrous and proper. For attraction can be a given sometimes. But if something is given so easily and readily to me.. then why would I have interest in it.. for it is usually given to anyone else as well.. yes I mean dating and sex. I don't want a deep connection when dating.. and if they put sex on the table early, then there is not going to be a second date. I'm more reserved than that. I know I can bring something different to the table. And I won't just give that to anyone because I'm horny.. It is a personal thing for me.. and no judgements for those who see otherwise. But this is who and how I am. Myself, regardless of the norm. Maybe this is what dates my age, or my soul. That's ok.. I have no problem with consensual sex tbh. But I do need to know the person.. Have at the very least an intellectual attraction.
Its been so so long since I've had knock down drag out marathon sex. The debauchery of the flesh. In very personal and kinky ways. And it does bug me I admit.
I know on some level, I can be a game changer. Heart, respect, old school romance. And also the depth of sexuality that has almost no limits.. but for me, this will never be something of myself I can just share with anyone. I do like being the darkest chapter in a womans sexual diary..and I haven't been for a very very very long time. Maybe because nobody can simply tap into that side of me? Anyways.. here is to just being ourselves, no judgements from others..but being true to who we are inside
Meh
Ya just sometimes ask yourself.. seriously? Not sure what this pertains to tbh.. but it did sound good...ba ha ha ha..
Monday, May 14, 2012
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