Love Adele...

I just used Shazam to discover Daydreamer by Adele. http://shz.am/t45579095

Ya ever have those days

Where everything you try to share, or say or express..comes out not really how ya meant to express it?  Well...  those days are the story of my life.      Lol....  and its so not even funny...

Yep

Thirsty Thursday...kerps for drunken coworker day last night....and boy did I have my share...woot woot

Saving for a big weekend

Takin the kids to the zoo and maybe a cabin... Andi is off to college in about 6 weeks..her vet classes begin in summer...argh.  Very proud of her..she had prom last weekend... yeah scared that kid...lol.

Its vwednesday morning

Little after 6 a.m.  just got stuff to eat for breakfast at work..  usually write my uncentered blogs prework...but I've reread some and wow are they a mass of random thoughts.

That being said, I just farted.  Lol yeah such class for the crass ass... 
The sky looks gloomy, as it has just stopped raining. But the clouds look beautiful. Sun will be rising soon. Everything is green and growing. The winter which was mild this yr is gone. Each yr passes and I know more about myself and yet overall I know so little.  I still get lost at times and wonder in depth.    

Tired of thinking, tired of being here.. yet for now it is still home.  Realized being from a small community and rural, I am often shy and withdrawn itrw. Not bad I don't think, but there is something that I would like to see change in me.

So this is todays blog.. and a photo of the clouds..

Foogly moogly

Lmmfao

Soulfly

It Was a great show.. lody kong which is half cavelera..Maxs sons, was actually really really good..    brings it all back to family.  

Tbh, I fear I have squandered a lot of my potential. I'm not stupid, usually. Lol..  but I was never career minded.. raised myself and always just did what I had to, to live.  Now, I realize I could have lived differently.. no regrets. But helps to bring more wisdom into my future I hope.   

  Still workin on my direction and what I want from life. I guess, maybe, its the things I didn't have growing up.  A sense of family..  a home, someone equal to share life with..  I do often try so very hard for those I care about. And even with that, fall short. But intentions in those ways have always been a sincere and honorable part of me. When idgaf I realize I am as shit as any other guy.  So I have always tried to let things touch me or let my heart be more the guide.. which is often led to a lot of wishful thinking... but maybe its because under that.. I know somehow what I really am capable of..  but I have tired of baring the weight in things. Baring them alone.   Its not weakness... I just deep down know there is magic in the world..  and that comes from connection, trust, and standing with someone.
Never been a great guy, often not even a good guy..  but I do try. For something special. Something to share and value in the growth and mark milestones not as myself... but as a part of a family.
  I have a good heart, its not fickle... once people are inside that part of me..  it is not something that just changes... 

I don't think I deserve anything, but I know, I need peace, happiness, and family. Deserve it? That's not my call.. 

If you know me well, you know my hearts an open book.. my moods and feelings can be seen on my face and in body language. These things I've never known how to fake.  I am me, imperfectly flawed, yet so easy of nature for those closest to me.   

I do wish, I did have a career.. something I can do for work, anywhere I go..  maybe tattooing is an option..  but not the physical work I am so used to and crave.  I'm as comfortable lazin about as I am bustin my ass and sweatin it out... but its the midwest work ethic.. and sense of pride in the work.. and effort. 

I'm doing away with my Thursday beers after work..  become to regular.. and needs to change..  so kerps is now, iffy on the weekly.anyways....  

But a lot has resurfaced in my life...  and I am always thankful for those who know me best and get who I am..  few do...lmao..

So a random half groggy blog...lol

I wasnt shit faced

But yes, few hrs later, as I closed my eyes... weeeee rollercoaster.... room spinning, and no hang over today.  Woot woot...   drunken txts to my muse... surely were stupendously funny.. in the I'm a moron sense atleast..  when you are in a topless bar, and you're txting people... ya know ya just ain't diggin it.  And being 38, I can honestly say in all the yrs I have been in em, I think I have had maybe, 15 lap dances...  so not my thing havin some broad rub on ya for a buck... but we went we saw we mocked and we bailed...  d.d. got us all to our places of pass outery, yes new word!   But anyways, resting up, Soulfly is tonight...  may not enter the pit... but that part of me is a fickle bitch, if I need to, I shall...lol. torn acl tends to make a dude my age a bit gunshy.