Here i sit again

Dawn, in a parking lot prior to work...eating my breakfast.. feeling the urge to expound thoughts in type.
The song snuff by slipknot sums up a lot in my life. Check out the song, and the lyrics folks.
I can say this. Ino longer search, for that deep tender connection I once had. It to me, was magic. Most likely doomed from the beginning because I led with my heart. Hard for me not to in times like those. There was pure joy.. maybe shared..I remember so many things.. still bring me to a warm place in my head and heart.
We are all flawed people. life never is exactly how we dream and wish it to be. But sometimes, it ok.. to just realize not all things are negative. 
My zen, is not a beach, nor a person. My zen is a combination of so many variables. One being just sincere love.