well

since I have began to post here again.I seriously do wonder how much of it is mocked... how much of what i say in honesty and sincerity, may be ripped and torn and me made the butt of jokes and whitty wisecracks. tbh it doesnt matter to me... wont assume it... but never would it suprise me if thats the case... so either way...
what i write here is from the heart.. and if it needs to be seen as less than that it is ok... because these are my truths... and involve someone I deeply care for and Love... it is done.. no arguments in that... but it doesnt change what I feel..call me fool, or whatever may be appropriate.. if I am condemned for caring still, for missing someone who was not Only the deepest love of my life but also, my best friend...... then that is a badge I will take gladly..and wear with pride..
that being said, I am ok.. not great, but never was... lmfao.. still have that big hole where the void is.. but although not a perfect guy, nor think Im even close..I am a decent guy... I wear my heart on my sleeve.. and those hearts nor the one inside are fickle.. (not implying anyone is!) I am just saying.. once I open that side..once it feels the way it does and did... it is not something i wash away.. nor something I can... I am stating my facts..sharing myself.. if that is used for jest or for understanding is no shame for me..

Im just some guy after all... nothing special..but a guy who isnt afraid of admitting whats is inside him...

I can say this, without hesitation... those were the Happiest and Most Meaningful days of my life ... I fucked up when i was in Sydney... did somethings in hindsight I cant believe I did... but they were small things..etiquette things.. honestly..I was still nervous the last day there.. the only thing that made any sense to me.. was looking at the woman who Inspired me to cross the world just to even hold her hand... and tbh... I would have settled for that.. Just to hold her close..was enough..for those two weeks atleast..
leaving hurt.. actually..it was the hardest thing ive ever done.. felt wrong in leaving... yes..Im a man and admit..I cried on that flight back.. have no shame in admitting it.. I left my Best friend, My love... but never knew it was to be the only time Id have the gift of her presence..

Still remember clearly as if yesterday.. waking early for a smoke.. the cool tiles outside under my feet, and coming back in.. to watch her sleeping, peacefully.. and she always woke with a smile.. and those eyes.. it may have been just two weeks.. but it was with someone I Love... so for that..and for all She and her family did... I am Forever Greatful...

lol... this is sort of funny tbh...
realized it has been 16 months since I have kissed a woman... Im not meaning physicalities... But yes..It has been 16 months since I have kissed anyone.. and tbh.. Never felt such softness... I kissed Kate as much as I could... held her hand like a dreamy eyed little bastard.. but Im not, was hesitant to rush too much I think......but I was working for more.. it wasnt possible I get now.. But fuck me... how could I not try to be with someone I Love.. simply put HOW could I NOT!

Love her And Sav more than I think anyone realizes... and I will never bother her.. as told... and which I respectfully do... it wouldnt be anything good I fear.. But Miss Her none the less... Her voice, her hand, her and I side by side... sentimental..yes I am... too deep..yep... touched by her in ways I cannot explain... definately.. it wasnt fantasy... not to me.. we had more than a spark... but I am the odd one out... feeling too deeply..

I Hope who ever she is with, or shall be with... Sees in Her the things I have..and Looks upon her with Respect and Love.. and does right by her.. not because they have to.. but because they know, it is the right thing to do... She Deserves it..


Much Respect n Love

read this folks, for whatever entertainment it brings... either way its all good...no worries 8P